Job # 1: Professional Referee

When I became a mother in April of 1996, I didn’t realize that I was volunteering for some seriously exhausting sub-jobs.  I knew I was going to be bathing, feeding, diapering, buckling up and doing laundry ad nauseum.  What I didn’t know was that eventually I was going to be a professional referee, a border patrol agent, a final authority, and I’m pretty darn good at running interference .  (I was confident that I could earn Queen Buzz Kill so no surprises when I was given this honor by my lovely children two years ago.)

See if these job descriptions have crept onto your resume as well:

Referee:  This is quite possibly my least favorite job right next to potty-training.  But when we decided to add baby #2, I became a referee by default.  The scene is played out daily in a variety of settings.  Perhaps there’s a dispute over who gets the leftover lasagna, or who played with the legos last, or gets to sit up front, or who left the spilled milk on the floor, or who found the stick in the mountains, or who asked first, or who went with me last time….there’s no way to cover all of the situations that I must referee.  Having a ‘child of the day’ helps immensely.  But still I stand day after day assessing situations, watching the play-by-plays and making snap decisions on who is the winner.  The NFL has nothing on me. I’ve  been known to put objects in time out.  You know, things like straws, chopsticks, Little People-the trigger du jour.  My favorite referee move is to listen to both sides then triumphantly send EVERYONE to time out.  That’s a little something I do for some peace and quiet.  And usually I have some heads-up that a referee job is on the horizon.  It sounds something like this,  “MOOOOOOMMMMMMM….”  With this kind of warning there is usually time to hide.  And with no referee on the scene, the children miraculously solve their own problems and then nobody’s happy.  🙂  This job is high-intensity because if you’re not in the ring, you’re skillfully trying to stay hidden.  Exhausting.  Good thing I love all of the players.

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