Holy Cow

static1.squarespace

Hi.  I’m Sarah.  This is my blog.  No, I am not a guest poster; but I might as well be. My brother is going to guest post here in a bit so I thought that maybe I should do something before then so that you won’t be confused.

It’s been three months since I posted.  Three months.  I know that it doesn’t really matter to you because so far I don’t have anyone hanging on my every word.  But, wow, for me-that’s pathetic. I have goals.  I have ambitions.  I have dreams.  And something in me loves to share.  I love sharing my thoughts, experiences, ideas, inspirations, and epiphanies.  I don’t know why I love to share them-or why I feel compelled to post them where anyone in the world can read them. Actually, it’s a merciful outlet so the people around me don’t have to be saturated with my yammerings if they don’t want to.  I can post here and “shout, shout, let it all out” (sorry Tears for Fears) and only people that want to listen have to listen.   Plus it’s a good compromise for me because I think I’m allergic to every form of social media.  It’s rather strange if I think about it-to suppose that a perfect stranger might be interested in my writings. (Of course, I don’t write to perfect strangers.  My audience is my friends, my family, my community.  But I’m pretty sure most of them aren’t all that interested…so the strangers it is…)  But, the desire to share has been with me for a VERY LONG TIME.  I might even say that I was born with it- if I look back far enough and consider its different manifestations over the years.   I have been writing and rewriting things in my mind for years now.  When a thought comes to me, it often takes on essay form with supporting ideas, quotes, scriptures, and experiences.  I start making connections and I want to share them.  It’s crazy.

So, my lack of blogging is not a ‘material’ problem.  I would go as far as to say that I have thoughts daily that I want to share.  Clearly, there is a gap between my brain, my desires, and my production.  As Steven Pressfield so kindly pointed out, it’s called Resistance and I’ve got it in spades.  WHY?  Why do I resist something that my soul so desperately wants to do?  That’s the mystery of Resistance.  And it gets more complicated.  On top of my desire to share, I love to write.  Not high school papers on assigned books and topics.  I am not talking about that kind of writing-although I cannot discount its importance  in my development and my journey.  I am talking about soul-writing and I love it.  I have volumes of journals, organized notebooks, scads of composition books, and scraps of scribblings tucked away here and there to prove my point.  I want to write.  I want to share.  Does anybody care?  I’m trying to decide if it matters.

Why am I writing all of this?  Because today I am overcoming Resistance.  I tried yesterday but my computer died after the opening sentence and the charging cord was nowhere to be found…because my husband couldn’t find his so he took mine to work.  I had all afternoon to fight Resistance and my weapon got taken away from me!   But today, I am back at it. I need to write.  I need to share.  I hope there’s somebody out there-oh wait, that doesn’t matter… Right.

I have another problem:  what should this blog be about?  I don’t know.  Resistance gets me good right there.  I have too many hats that I wear to narrow it down.  So I will be blogging about all kinds of different things-whatever suits me that day. (Take that, Resistance!)  Then as the blog takes shape, maybe I will focus better.  For now, I will just write.

Thank you if you are out there-thank you for taking the time to stop by.  It means a lot to me.  I love to share-I think I mentioned that.  And I love to spark joy.  (Oh wait, that’s not me…that’s Marie Kondo…) But I do love to spark thought, inspiration, comfort.  I know, comfort seems weird in there, but it’s true.

And I want to thank my blogging program for keeping track of my shortfalls and reminding me every time that I open him up how long it’s been since I posted and how my viewers are dwindling and how I don’t know how to really use him to make my blog better.  THANK YOU.  I’m fighting Resistance over here and you are not really helping.

battle-of-antietam-hero-H

Relief today!  Another battle tomorrow! Till my next victory!

4 thoughts on “Holy Cow

  1. Sarah…
    I just discovered your blog. I didn’t (don’t) really understand what a blog is or how it’s set up.
    But now, I don’t care because I know someone that has one and is honest enough to write about real stuff. Thank you!

    I’ve read Holy Cow and Come Back because I wanted to read more…before I lost them…which I’ve done many time with stuff on the computer! I enjoyed the honesty and entertainment of both.

    Having been around a some time, I have lived with resistance for many years. I just thought that it was my way of putting things off when I thought my results would be less than I’d envisioned. I too have quotes, notebooks, sketches, and piles of ideas gathering dust. I started writing about things I loved and to people in my life when my Mother gave me the”sales slippy” from the grocery store. I must have been about three or four. It was something to write or draw on that could be folded into a tiny little secret and put in my old shoe box. I could conquer any problem, wish I still had that box. I have called resistance fear, but resistance sounds better, so much less self destructive.

    Thanks Sarah for letting me in on a new term…resistance. I have a feeling that it will be a much used word as I tell it to leave me alone and just let me try…even now and then.

    • Lorna-
      Yes! What IS a blog?! It’s a strange concept really…a place for me to write out some of my thoughts so that others can read them. WHY??! It’s inexplicable, really. I just have a great desire to share and this is a modern platform for doing so. With that being said, it’s one of the most important things that I do so I THANK YOU for stopping by and for leaving some thoughts for me to ruminate upon. I love that you have piles of notes like me! Somewhere, somehow, they ARE going to help us! I wish that you still had that old shoe box too-what a treasure it would be. I used to have a large brown grocery bad FULL of notes from my 8th grade year. I just it tossed one day. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! My whole adolescence is now 100 feet under at the Albuquerque city dump.

      Resistance is ever-present in my life but I’m glad to be aware of it so that I can clobber it at will…or invite it in, depending on the day. 🙂

  2. I was just thinking about resistance today in an issue my husband and I were discussing.
    Thanks for posting and I look forward to the guest post.

    • It’s a killer. Since I recognized its place in my life (I mean its real place), I have been wrestling. It comes up in almost everything I do except eating. I even resist sleep, I believe. SS

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s